New Normal

I am finding myself relying on my exercise more and more. It is becoming the constant, where it seemed to be such a chore before. I was trying to fit it in, and easily skipped it if the day was too stressful, I was tired, it rained, etc. knowing that I could just pick it back up the following day. Now, it is just a given that I will exercise, and very rare that I don't. I work other things around IT, instead of letting daily life dictate whether I do it. It is my time to decompress, gear up for the day, think.

Some of my clearest insights have come when I'm exercising. My old patterns of behavior were truly my worst enemy, haunting me, never really loosening their grip. I found old medical reports from the endo I had in high school: "Patient expresses how stressful it is to balance work, school, and diabetes." Eighteen years later, not much had changed. It is stressful, but only in these recent months, with the calorie counting and increase in exercise, have I seen what is possible when it is balanced. Once I was able to get an inkling of what that felt like, my thinking shifted. My old behaviors don't even seem...relevant, if that makes sense.

I'm trying to focus on what makes me feel good, successful, proud. When I look at the pictures of myself, I can't believe I am actually transforming my body like that. Power that lies within me, that has always been there, is busting out. When I go to my daughter's open house, my heart wants to burst over all of her little and big accomplishments. When my son asks questions for 25 minutes straight, I feel so proud of his curiosity. When I think about our little family,and the time we spend together, I thank God for all I have. And even when there is so much negativity surrounding my profession, I am doing good things for my students every day. I actually think I am a better teacher since I have been making these changes.

My normal is changing, and it's been a long time coming. My poor old endo...maybe I should pay him a visit.

Oooh, and PS: I started wearing a Tupler brace for my abdominal separation, and I think it might actually be making a difference. I am not wearing it in the picture above, but I have been wearing it during the day and when I exercise. Better than shelling out for surgery!