"Be Agressive. Be, Be Agressive"

I had a reality check at my endo's this week. While I don't want to minimize the incredible amount of work, focus, and discipline I have mustered to lose nearly 22 lbs. since August, I learned yesterday that reducing calories and exercising extensively does not guarantee a good A1C. I think I assumed that they would just fall into place with the diabetes, collect my data and be on my merry way. But it's not enough to test, and sit on the information until my next doctor's appointment. I'm not really good about turning the numbers into "action items," unless it's directly related to the exercise I am about to do (can't be too high/low, turn down/suspend pump, etc). I generally test, correct if I need to, but then don't follow through until I eat next, (sometimes) hours later. I also had not tested out correction factors/carb ratios in I can't remember how long.

Fast-forward to yesterday. I went into my appointment thinking my A1C would surely be lower than my last 8.7. Wrong. I clocked in at 8.9. Wrong direction, certainly, and I just felt deflated (how the...? what the...?). But I didn't really have a strong refute for the higher A1C. If I had been downloading, analyzing, and responding to the data from my pump/sensor, I would not have been so shocked. So while all of the changes I am making in the health/weight loss department are positive and so good for my diabetes overall, they do not guarantee lower blood sugars.

So, it's time. It's time to get agressive with these numbers. My fear and anxiety about lows has certainly decreased over the last 6 months or so, but it has still kept me from being confident enough to give myself larger boluses, stronger corrections, and hover in the low to mid-hundreds instead of the low to mid-200's. I have to examine data, make changes, send info to my doctor so she can help me, and stay on top of my blood sugars all day. I can't become complacent. I have to use the energy, discipline, and focus I have employed for the weight loss in my diabetes maintenence. Maintenence, not burnout.

I was discouraged yesterday, but my discouragement was relatively brief and did not lead to a blood sugar bender or anything like that. If anything, I am more resolved to get that &!#%ing A1C down. The strength training class I am taking with 2 of my dearest friends was the perfect way to respond to my appointment. I am strong enough to do this, and only getting stronger.