Disconnect/Connect

        

 

As I connected with my new Tslim pump last week, I was struck by how disconnected I had become over the last few months, and how easy it seems to be for me to do so. It's hard to describe, but my guess is that my diabetic friends will know what I am talking about. I start to sort of "check out" if I feel overwhelmed, or stressed, or drained. What is only meant to be a temporary solution extends into weeks or months before I acknowledge that I am operating on auto-pilot, just doing the bare minimum. And then I restart, resolved to do better.  And eventually, I bet you can guess what happens. In fact, I have probably written about this very thing on this blog if I looked back through the archives. The ups and downs are exhausting. Ride's over. I want off. 

The disconnect isn't exclusive to my diabetes. I disconnect from my body, too, and some of those pounds lost creep back on. I eat more than I intended. I fall back to sleep instead of running. I'm just not paying enough attention, and I disconnect. 

So, that's the acknowledgement. The good news is that I am already making choices and changes for long-term, SUSTAINABLE success. 

1. I got a new pump. I got trained and am wearing said pump. My old pump was out of warranty by a good year at least (autopilot). Ways that this pump will help me stay connected and pro-active:  missed meal bolus alarms, bg testing reminders, site-change reminder (huge for me), and customizable profiles for different circumstances (exercise, weekend vs. weekday, cycle resistance). 

2. I am wearing the pump on the outside of my pocket. This might not seem like a big deal, but having the pump in my pocket made it easier to ignore it, not pay attention, disconnect. Now, when it alarms, I don't have to dig it out, and it's easier to follow-through with whatever it is alarming about. Also, it is friggin' cool looking and I want people to ask me about it. Conversing about it keeps it a presence. 

3.  Speaking of conversing, I am talking about it more with my kids. In an effort to protect them, shielding them from worrying about it and me, I didn't talk about it. But in not talking about it, they didn't see the importance of me taking care of it. They of course wanted to see the "cool touch-screen pump," but it has spurned several conversations that remind me of their caring, precious selves. Getting double hi-fives and a spontaneous "wooh!" when my meter read exactly 100 made my heart burst. Having Jack ask, "Did you remember to bolus, Mama?" reaches my core. The fact that they can even understand the concept of basal/bolus after one conversation floors me. It doesn't have to be a source of worry, especially if I'm not "worried."  Just in control, taking care of it. 

4.  I am establishing a much more connected relationship with my diabetes team. Take the help where it is offered, and they are awesome and more than willing to do so. I can't tell you how many times my appointments have turned into a "day of reckoning," where I sit and hear all of the things I need/should/have to do, only to leave and not see them again until I cycle around again. Instead, I am making more frequent appointments, and in the meantime, sending pump and blood sugar data in. It is good incentive to collect more data (test more frequently), and get feedback right away. 

5. I am seeing a therapist who has a focus on helping people with chronic illnesses. I just need an outside perspective, to work on the barriers that seem to "chronically" get in my way. 

6. I wrote this blog entry. See?  Conversing.