Absent/Present

     It's about time, right?  Under old circumstances, a gap in posts would not mean good things.  It would mean I was disconnecting.  It would mean that I wasn't "thinking" about my health.  On the contrary, I have been putting all of my energy into doing.  I have spent the majority of my life analyzing the hell out of everything, reading into subtleties, drawing conclusions based on my own interpretations.  While this has introspectively helped me grow as a person, and also led me to my career as an English teacher, it adds a layer to my diabetes management that sometimes just gets in the way.  Sometimes, I have to get out of my own head and just do what needs to get done.  So I am.  And I feel more connected to my own health than I ever have.
     I expect a drop in my A1C at my next endo visit in November.  I know this to be true because I can see what my blood sugar is doing all the time with my sensor.  No gaps in data.  I have lost about 8 lbs since going back on LoseIt! with Steve (who is also doing awesome with it).  I have finally found an effective way to change my pump settings for exercise.  Before, I never would have been able to bike for over an hour and maintain a bloodsugar in the 140's throughout the ride (I have pictures to prove it!):

All of this has happened because I have forced myself to be present, put the consistent effort in, and work hard at following through.

   
     Speaking of following through...last April, I made a commitment to run a 1/2 marathon within a year. So, I will be running in the Eastern States 1/2 on March 30th!  I found a training schedule that is completely do-able with my schedule, and I am excited to have something to train for and focus on, especially through the winter.  After 20+ years, I think I am finally seeing through the dense mass that seemed to loom before me concerning blood sugars, where or how to even start taking control of them, maintaining a healthy weight, managing disappointment in the results, and finally, finally seeing my health as a whole.  Tackling pieces of it at a time is exhausting, and didn't yield the results I was expecting.  Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn't credit my endo and co for supporting me, maintaining contact and giving me feedback in-between appointments, and this sounds weird, but believing in and caring about me.  That's a whole other post about the care in healthcare.  And now that I am re-reading this as I go, it sounds as though I'm giving some acceptance speech ("I'd like to thank all of those who have helped me along the way...").  But maybe there is some truth to the acceptance part.  Accepting that there will be disappointment along the way, and that diabetes does not always do as it is told, makes maintaining my health a heck of a lot easier than fighting it, trying to figure out the why behind every little discrepancy, and throwing my hands up in frustration.  Acceptance, action, and...grace.