Knowledge is Power. Right?

This saying is sort of my life story. I am a huge dork. I love learning, and I love the feeling of KNOWING. I have a set of vocabulary flashcards that I made for every weekly vocab list during my sophomore year of high school. I put them on a key ring and hung them on my bedroom wall, and would "quiz" myself nightly. I know, I know. But I kept it as a symbol of my dorkiness.

As for diabetes as a disease, my knowledge is vast. I understand the science of how the pancreas works and doesn't work, the math involved in determining basal rates, temporary basal rates, insulin to carb ratios, sensitivity factors, the analysis involved in interpreting data from both my pump and my sensor, and the psychological effects of living with a chronic illness. That picture above is of me learning how to use my first pump back in '03. In all other aspects of my life, I am used to applying my knowledge to situations in order to, say, teach more effectively, engage in meaningful conversations, or to be a better person. The results are almost always positive, which motivates me to keep learning. For me, the ultimate frustration with this disease is knowing as much about it as I do, and having my body contradict what I "know." It doesn't respond the way it "should." How can I know this much about it and not be able to bring my numbers down?

Here's the thing, though. I am capable of bringing my numbers down. I am capable of an A1C in the 5's or 6's. I am capable of testing 6-10 times a day. I have done it before, and I will do it again.

So, if knowledge is power, here it is: My A1C at the doctors today was 10.3. I promised myself in advance that I would post the number no matter what it was. For reference, that roughly equates an average blood sugar of 280. That is the highest I have seen since the tumultuous teen years.

So, my PCP is referring me to a new endocrinologist. Fresh start, and hopefully with a doctor who can understand the big picture with this disease, not just the numbers.

I am resolute in never seeing my A1C that high again. I have a sensor in, and am collecting data as we speak. The idea that I have direct control over how "bad" my diabetes is can be both motivating and daunting.

I'm going to end with some success: I ran yesterday and today so far this week. As of yesterday, I could feel my left leg working while I was running. Actual muscles and soreness. Since the back injury nearly a year ago, I have had constant numbness down my leg and in my heel. When I exercised, my leg just felt like dead weight, but I kept working at it. Finally, finally, I felt it working again. And I made it up the entire hill! For those of you familiar with my neighborhood, you know what a feat that is.

Onward...